True love is a stranger she dares not let in. While there is something appealing about him, she can’t believe he is for real. She turns him away at the door and cries because he pulls on something deep within her. It’s an unfamiliar place, locked away and she’s scared to go there. The door knocks again. She peeks out and sees Lust and Exploitation. She hates them, but she knows them well. They are familiar and she knows what they expect and how to behave with them, so she lets them in. There is a strange stability in the familiar evil. But deep inside there is another wave of nausea and chaos. She had said she would never let them in again, but she is lonely and she wants a quick fix to numb the deeper pain that scares her. She puts on her face of prostitution and lifts her skirt. She had come dangerously close to letting her true self come forward. That’s a danger she doesn’t want to flirt with. There is a momentary sense of power in the act of prostitution. There is an adrenaline rush in seeing men desperate for her – even if it’s just her body. Use it to control them and get back at them before they turn in anger at the commodity that has temporary power over them. Then they will humiliate her and she will despise them, but hate feels like power as well. Right now, her body is the only power she holds. It’s her wealth and she will invest all she can to make it more desirable and thereby more powerful. It may be her only ticket to her dream of catching the right fool – Her dream of someday having a husband and a family. Yet, in her mind, all men are hopeless adulterers so she will not give her heart. “What is love?” she asks. She will secure what she can and walk away before he leaves her. She is a fighter. Seduce them, fight them, and then reject them, before they reject you. Stay on top. Keep the lights on. Don’t sleep – it’s a vulnerable place. Watch your back, but never look back. Run and keep running before the stranger called true love catches you in his arms.
Written after a trafficked woman ran away from shelter, assistance, and her opportunity for true love to go back to the street.